without her groom...

So today is supposed to be Jeremy and my wedding day.
My beautiful precious soul has been gone for 14 months and 12 days.

It is getting easier but harder in so many ways. I feel so alone, even though i have been working hard to gain a life worth living again. I am finding some happiness but whenever i think of him i know how much happier life would be. Not a day goes past where i don't think of Jeremy and how i could have saved him but the reality is you can't change realities stupid consequences.

arghhhhhh.

My two beautiful besties who have stuck by me through it all are taking me out tonight. Although i was going to be in white(the most sensational dress ever) i will now be in black on my wedding day. Wearing what i wore to my man's funeral instead. Yes slightly morbid and dark but this day is. I am the bride and i can cry if i want to. Wearing black tutu's with my bridesmaids, with a constant supply of cocktails and music, celebrate what is reality. Past is gone. Present is nasty. Tomorrow will be better.